OSCARS 2012 LIVE BLOG

Wuttup everybody. It is 7:06, this British woman is talking to Jonah Hill. Crowds are cheering, Jessica Chastain is looking amazing, Tim Gunn is talking to Maya Rudolph. We are off to the races y'all.



7:09 - That was the most terrifying Laundry Detergent ad I have seen in a long time.

7:11 - Roooooneeeyyy. Looks gorge. Dress is a little blah, very pretty, but it does well to off-set her super harsh black bangs. Also, she really has absolutely 0 social skills.

7:13 - CHASTAIN. I can't get over this dress. Absolutely beautiful. My biggest gripe about her at this show is that she was nominated for The Help and not Tree of Life. She was the heart and soul of that (somewhat soulless) movie.

7:21 - Emma Stone, Idk what color wheel you are looking at, but that dress is not fuchsia. Also I completely forgot she was in The Help. Also also, when an interviewer asks who was a more charming leading man Ryan Gosling or Andrew Garfield, you should PROBABLY say the one who is your actual boyfriend.

7:28 - My brain cannot process Viola Davis sans weave. This is blowing my mind.

7:31 - Christopher Plummer is a smart girl's Hugh Hefner right now.

7:34 - Gary Oldman's mom should get an Oscar.

7:40 - Tinaaa. Looking beautiful. Also, Tina...please come off it and just host this damn show already. It's what we've all wanted for years.

7:45 - Jean Dujardin, we all miss your mustache. Also, your favorite part of America is cinnamon rolls. I cannot.

7:46 - I love that Busy Phillips has been Michelle Williams' date to all the awards shows this year. They are the best Hollywood bffs.

8:04 - Gwyneth Paltrow is clearly trying to do a cheap Tilda imitation right now. You are not fooling anyone.

8:06 - Glenn Close. It's a shame she got nominated in a year with at least two performances that will almost assuredly beat her.

8:13 - Sandra Bullock. I can't tell if you have had plastic surgery or a drug problem.

8:26 - Here we go everyone. GAME. TIME.

8:31 - I like how they think Justin Beiber will appeal to the 18-24 year old audience. Also this montage has already included blackface. We're not off to the greatest start.

I was hoping they'd try to work in a Girl With the Dragon Tattoo joke. Might be too soon. Also I doubt Rooney Mara understands what comedy is.

8:39 - Awww. That was actually a little mean, Billy. Fat jokes are cheap.

8:42 - I missed Berenice Bejo walking in, but she looks stunning.

8:43 - Cinematography presented by Tom Hanks

Winner: Hugo

8:44 - Art Direction

Winner: Hugo

8:55 - Costume Design

Winner: The Artist

HOORAY!

8:56 - Best Makeup

Winner: The Iron Lady

Aw, poor Glenn Close. She is literally the poor man's Meryl Streep.

9:06 - Best Foreign Language Film presented by Sandra Bullock on quaaludes.

Winner: A Separation, Iran

I really want to watch this film now, it's been winning everything and it looks very good.

9:10 - BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS presented by Christian Bale

Winner: Octavia Spencer! (make sure you pronounce 'Octavia' like the 'Activia' jingle. In order to get the full effect of what I just did out loud in my living room...)

9:19 - CHRISTOPHER GUEST CREW. YESSSS

9:23 - Best Editing presented by Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper. It is insane how much I am in love with Michel Herxladfgslierugh

Winner: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

YAY! The only award it will win, unfortunately, but the most deserved win the movie could get.

9:25 - Sound Editing

Winner: Hugo

9:27 - Sound Mixing

Winner: Hugo

Hugo is CLEANING UP the technical awards. I didn't see it, but I'm gonna be a little annoyed if this wins Best Picture. Mainly because it will confirm that the Oscars really should just be renamed Martin Scorsese's Academy Awards

To anyone who is watching this in the Rochester area....WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. That just made Oscar night 10x better.

9:35 - Cirque du Soleil. All the awards.

SO much Romeo + Juliet clips in that. And I too like to casually hold my leg at a 90 degree angle while I watch movies.

9:41 - I am quietly fangirling for the not-so-subtle Iron Man plug that is happening right now with Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth.

BEST DOCUMENTARY
Winner: Undefeated

...Is someone's phone going off or is that real music??

Oops. First awkward cutting-off of the night.

9:45 Chris Rock. I miss you.

ANIMATED FILM

Winner: Rango

9:53 - Visual Effects by Ben Stiller and Emma Stone (keepin it so real)

Winner: Hugo

I swear to God...

10:01 - Best Supporting Actor by Crazy mcCrazerson, Melissa Leo.

Winner: Christopher Plummer

Beginners was SUCH a great movie. Very happy. Just pointed at my TV and said "LOVE him." So...that's where we're at.

10:09 - But actually though. That is actually what is going on in Martin Scorsese's head.

UGGIE!!!!!!

10:12 - PENELOPEEEE. We don't need Owen Wilson there. I cannot get over how Grace Kelly she is right now.

ORIGINAL SCORE

Winner: The Artist

Thank God. It's a silent film, if it doesn't win Best Score it's kind of a waste.

Aaand that's what happens when you let French people win a lot of Oscars. Award speech time limits mean nothing.

Ferrell and Galifinakis. Future hosts?

10:18 - Bret McKenzie wins an Oscar for his Muppet song. Reasons why Original Song is always the most fun category.

10:25 - Angelina Jolie, I sort of forgot you were an actor.

Adapted Screenplay

Winner: The Descendants

Is that the dean from Community? Regardless, that IS the stoned guy from Hamlet 2. He has an Oscar now.

Original Screenplay

Winner: Midnight in Paris

Precious loves My Left Foot. "The fact that he was a freaking alcoholic...AND HAD ONE FOOT!" Such eloquence.

10:38 - BRIDESMAIDS. I love them all so dearly. Oh dear lord Rudolph and Wiig. I wish they had just re-enacted Super Showcase.

Live-Action Short film: The Shore

SCORSESE DRINKING GAME. These women have managed to make a long-running inside joke for the entire awards show season. Amazing. Also Rose Byrne, Keira Knightley called, she wants her face back.

Documentary Short: Saving Face

Animated Short: The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Lessmore (I want to see this for the title alone.)

"With no clear favorite" - This ad is so passive aggressive. "All the nominees for Actor and Actress are...meh."

10:50 - Best Director from Michael Douglas.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET IT BE MY BEAUTIFUL BE-SPECTACLED FRENCH LOVE MICHEL HFLKJHGIEURG.

Winner: MICHEL!!!!!! Oh sweet lord. I cannot even. I cannot.

11:04 Oh here we go. In Memorium montage.

Jane Russell. SO sad.
WHITNEEEEYYYYY.
Elizabeth Taylor. Legend.

11:10 - This ad for this new Ashley Judd show. Ashley Judd is slowly becoming Pat Benatar?

11:12 - All right. Final 3. The biguns. Here's hoping: Williams, Dujardin, The Artist. We shall see.

I was really hoping Natalie would come out in full Black Swan gear.

BEST ACTOR

Winner: JEAN DUJARDIN

MY BEBES!!!!! Also, I'm gonna need a gif of that bro hug between Michel and Dujardin stat.

Ok ok ok ok. Here we go. I don't get why they do this. This is literally the professional equivalent of me drunk at a party being "Dude. Dude dude dude. You...you're great. You did a great job. Seriously, bro."

BEST ACTRESS

Winner: Meryl

I'm happy because I will never not be happy for Meryl, but I admit, I was one of the people people who groaned when she won.

All right. All right. All right.

BEST PICTURE

Winner: THE ARTIST

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY. Oh my lawd. So so so so happy.

The first silent film to win since Wings, winner of the very first Best Picture award in 1927.

Lol I love that he's over-thanking Berenice Bejo and she's just standing there like "Do you really think there is any question whether or not you're getting laid tonight? You don't have to work this hard, sweetie."

And with that, a bid you all a BON NUIT.